I have to admit that, when I was first approached with the idea of having a group of children review this book, I was skeptical. But, as you'll see, kids today are much smarter than they were when I was in elementary school. Maybe it's due to the influence of the Harry Potter series, or maybe it's due to some kind of "ray" invented by the Government. I don't know. But I do know that, except for a lawsuit that I'm currently involved in with the kids' parents, I'm overjoyed with the results of our little, informal chat. Oh, I included my mother in the discussion because she's the only person who actually reads my site.
Participants: Rodney Anonymous (moderator, age 39), Brittany Goldfarb (age 6), Benton Rushe (age 6 ½ ), Charles "Skeeter" Meade (age 5), and Mary Anonymous (age "50-ish").
RA: Brittany, let's start with you. What did you think of the book?
BG: All-in-all, I was very impressed. When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute - or a grave robber.
RA: Those are lofty goals.
BG: Well, I'm starting gymnastics nest year. That way I'll have the strong knees needed for either profession.
RA: Zing! Benton, you said earlier that you felt that this novel could've been "fleshed out" a little. I tend to agree. Would you like to address this?
BR: With pleasure. Earlier this year I read One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish by Dr. Suess. Talk about padding. The red fish carries the whole story. The blue fish is just unnecessary window-dressing. Where was the editor? If that Suess guy is a real doctor then I'm the freakin' Surgeon General.
I felt the complete opposite about The Dress Lodger. I know there has got to be at least fifty pages of this tome that we'll never get to see. The boarding house? The Labour in Vain? The Docks? These are great locations and I wanted to read more about them. Look, I paid $14.95 for this book. My allowance is only a dollar a week. So, do I feel cheated? Yes.
RA: Mom, I was won…What the fuck?
MA: Watch the language, Potty-mouth.
CM: Ha, ha. Potty-mouth!
RA: Mom, I was just looking at what you wrote on your profile card. Age: "50-ish". For Christ's sake, Mom, I'm almost 40 - you gave birth to me when you were in your mid-twenties. Do the math.
MA: Don't you dare lecture me on math, Mr. College Drop-out.
BG: She has a point.
MA: And why can't you review an uplifting book, like The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood ?
[The children, collectively, let out a groan.]
MA: What's wrong with that book? Oprah lov…
BR: Jesus, lady. You really will read anything. [Hands $5 to the moderator]. You were right.
RA: I've read the sides of Tampax boxes that had more literary merit.
[And so the discussion went on late into the night. Was this because that had been enchanted by the joys of reading, or was it because every time I tried to wrap things up, the little bastards kept whining to stay up another hour. I'll never know.]