Incredibly Biased Gubernatorial Election Special

   Wednesday, October 30th was a gray, rainy, cold day. My kinda weather. Mike Morrill and Ken Krawchuk had spent the black, rainy, cold night before protesting outside the studios of WPVI TV (Officially know as "Channel 6". Unofficially known as "Channel Sucks"). WPVI and the League of Woman Voters had hosted a debate and forgotten to invite both Mr. Krawchuk and Mr. Morrill. It seems that the criterion for an invite was a showing of at least 5% in an independent poll two weeks before the debate. Unfortunately, no independent poll which mentioned Mr. Morrill's or Mr. Krawchuk's names had been conducted for more than three weeks before the debate. You see, in order the get into the debates, people have to know about you - however, people won't know about you unless you're in the debates. Maybe the best way to handle this would be with a petition. You get the required amount of signatures; you're in the debate. After all, there are many factors that can sway a poll
   On my way to the bus stop, I noticed the cover of the Daily News. It featured a huge picture of Fred Rendell along with the headline "Rendell Wins" (It was just under a week until the election). So much for the "free" press. I needed something to read on the way to WWDB's studio, so I picked up a copy of The Philadelphia Weekly (Unofficially known as "The Philadelphia Weakly"). I opened it up to find out that they were endorsing Fred Rendell in the Governor's race. Why? "Because he understands the problems of Philadelphians." Yeah, every day, when I used to ride the subway into work, I'd see Mr. Rendell sitting a few seats away and say to myself "Now there goes a guy who understands my problems. I bet he believes in universal health care and a living wage for all Pennsylvanians." So much for the "alternative" press.
   I arrived mighty early (as I always do) on City Line Ave., so I decided to walk around a bit. Eventually, I looked at my cell phone, to see how long I'd been wandering around, and noticed that I had one missed call. I called the mystery number and discovered that it was the Green Party! What did they want? Nothing really, they'd heard that I was going to be on the radio so they just wanted to say "Hi" and to make sure that I wasn't a nut. "No," I explained to them "I'm not going on the air claiming to represent the Green Party. Yes, I am voting for Mr. Morrill but I'm going on the air to discuss my disappointment with the press's coverage of the Third Party Candidates. No, Mr. Krawchuk and I will not be engaging in a debate, but we do plan to talk about the debates. Thank you. Goodbye." Damn, I forget to ask if Mr. Morrill preferred Ginger, Maryann, or Mrs. Howell.
   OK, so now I'm shitting bricks. The last thing I need to do is piss off my own party, and I sure as Hell don't wanna risk costing Mike Morrill a single vote. Fortunately, everything turned out fine. Ken Krawchuk, Paul Kircher, and I had a great time. I even got to make most of the points that I wanted to. Did you know that, in order to place a candidate on the ballot, the Republicans and the Democrats need 2,000 signatures on a petition? Guess how many signatures other parties need. Give up? The answer is 21,000. Doesn't seem fair, does it? I also got to point out that both Mr. Morrill and Mr. Krawchuk are opposed to the Death Penalty. But we never really get to hear their points of view thanks to the monopoly that the Republicans and the Democrats have on the debates. Wouldn't those stories lend themselves to a better headline than "Rendell Wins"?
   In the interest of fairness, here's a picture of Mike Fisher (aka "That Other Guy").